Japanese Jukebox: What’s Scarier Than Asian Boy Bands?

Ask yourself: “What is eternally scary?”

Boy Bands. And even scarier is that some of these bros can fight.  Japan, Korea and even Taiwan have a new crop of big sweaty men ready to wrestle you for their affection. This goes out to all the guys and girls who dig guys with nice hair and slick dance moves. Get some and bust a groove:

Right about now, Sandaime J Soul Brothers are thinking of ways to pummel you. They want to hear you say “OH!” and then beat the snot out of you in their video for “Fighters-Round 1.” It’s like the Backstreet Boys learned kung fu, said “fuck it” and then decided instead to punch your lights out. The J Soul Brothers also take some necessary time to bust two or three dance moves as well, but everyone can appreciate a big time brawl.

The song “Fighters” is pretty good too, and the single was released in early September of this year.

Dong Bang Shin Ki (TVXQ) is one of a million South Korean boy groups invading Japan, the U.S. and every other country in the world. They released a Japanese version of their album TONE on 9.28.2011 and we get the video for “B.U.T” pronounced Be-au-ty. Here, we get some more B.U.T.T.-kicking, except these boys are more cheerleaders than fighters. They sing and dance and let the other guys duke it out in a cage match. Smart move, pretty boys, smart move.

Want more Korean action? Super Junior touts 8 or 10 members (it’s hard to keep track), and all these dudes can jump, dance and sing without their hair even moving. And like all boy bands, you can distinguish the members by noting which is the fat one, the one with the bleached hair and the one with the unfortunate bowl cut. “A-cha!” is the name of the Korean single and it’s on their repackaged album Mr. Simple released 9.19.2011.

Finally take a lick of Lollipop F. They are a Taiwanese boy group that rocks the neon MC Hammer pants in their latest PV for “Dance.” While the song might be overly simplistic with the repetitive “Let’s just Dance Dance Dance Dance,” these dudes boast some fancy footwork on the dance floor. They will hit you with some serious pelvic thrusts, and bombard you with some sexually suggestive moves. Dance Dance Dance, Kapow!

They will hit you with some serious pelvic thrusts, and bombard you with some sexually suggestive moves.

So those boy band bruises aren’t that bad, are they? Or have those hammer pant pumps scarred you for life? It’s not that bad. Just give the dudes who dance some major props, or we might come back with Asian Boy Bands Round 2.