Special Edition Gaming News: There’s Something About Alyssa

Hello gamers. We should talk. Other nerds, feel free to join the huddle here.

Before we begin, just wanna make sure everyone’s caught up:

Gizmodo: My Brief OkCupid Affair With a World Champion Magic: The Gathering Player

IBTimes: Gizmodo’s Alyssa Bereznak Blasted for Dissing ‘Magic’ Champ

So, to get it out of the way: I stand with you all in theory. Its one thing to just not want to date an uber-nerd extraordinaire, which Finkel is. It’s another to call him a liar and a loser in a public forum, and unapologetically out yourself as a general scumbag in the process. That article is not flattering, or informative, or even humorous. It’s just kinda sad, especially in the wake of Finkel’s response, which was the textbook definition of class.

No, the humorous part came later, which I hope is a lot easier for all of you to appreciate now that the hatewave has subsided: Everyone came out to proclaim Alyssa as the complete bitch she was for not recognizing a prize when it was in front of her who’ll treat her like a queen, and then proceeded to validate every single reservation modern woman fears when dating someone from the fringe of our culture. The misogyny from the deepest, darkest corners of the internet took solid shape. We witnessed the firepower of a fully armed and operational Internet Hate Machine. Gamers in particular came out in force to protest their hobby being so lightly tossed aside.

The misogyny from the deepest, darkest corners of the internet took solid shape.

Here’s the thing: I know a lot of you are laboring under this delusion that your nerdiness, your geekiness excuses you from the normal rules of attraction. Well, I tell you what, guys: If we’re going to achieve this level of prickery any time a girl dares to exercise her God-given relationship veto rights, I’d simply like you to say one thing in your head, outloud if necessary, get it tattooed, Leonard Shelby-style if need be.

YOU ARE NOT BETTER.

Point blank and period. You’re just not.  And I don’t even mean this just about you calling Alyssa Bereznak a whore. I mean the underlying expectation behind it. The Nice Guy Syndrome. The dating PTSD. The contempt for the fact that a woman might just have discerning genitalia, and even in 2011, no, it’s not in favor of the kind of guy who plays Gears of War every Saturday night, let alone Magic The Gathering. The rage towards Alyssa Bereznak is the rage of a world of geeks, given collective power, money, and acceptance, and finding that, nope, The Hot Chick still doesn’t want to fuck them.

And there’s no real rhyme or reason to this. No matter who she is, a girl is going to want what she wants, when she wants it. Putting up a confident front won’t get you in. Being a quivering lily who helps her carry shit and listens to her vent about the last fuckmook who dumped her when secretly, you’re trying to make a move southward as well won’t get you in. Alyssa Bereznak is not remotely the only girl for whom profound nerdery is not a turn off.

And why do we want her to be? That kind of woman, she’ll run off, meet some embittered, hipster fuckstick of a guy who bores her pissless. Jon Finkel will meet the geek of his dreams who will love him forever for seeing that Jeffrey Dahmer musical with her, and live nerdily ever after. Why does it matter so much to you either way that this one girl publicly stated she looks at geeks and just does not want?

Why does it matter so much to you either way that this one girl publicly stated she looks at geeks and just does not want?

I’ll bet money it’s much the same reason why there was rage, and sadness, wailing, and gnashing of teeth about this. It exposes the still-deep gulf between our awesome little subculture and the mainstream. It shines the light of day on our collective, percieved weaknesses. Many — too many — of the men behind the curtain are still quite unequipped to deal with non-objectified women on any real level. Look at the women we create and play and fetishize on a regular basis. There isn’t a real one in the bunch, or at least one with any real issues. And we’re barraged by an impossible fantasy of what one should be almost every time we pop in a disc. Alyssa Bereznak, with some sort of asshole’s luck, managed to shed some light on a dark corner of our culture.

When Jon Finkel responded to this, he should’ve been our hero. He was soft, lucid, thoughful, clear, and honest, and more than anything, forgiving. He took the experience, learned what he could, and moved on. The internet reaction, by comparison, was kind of embarrassment that keeps Todd Solondz in a job.

Do I have a solution? Not really.

Do I have a solution? Not really. Hell, I sympathize. I’m still making bush league mistakes in my relationships, and I’ve had my share at this point in my life. There’s still a ton I don’t know about how women desire to be treated. But I at least recognize that a woman who puts the Access Denied sign between her legs is not a whore, ugly bitch, cunt, nor does she need to get any brand of venereal disease. She can be turned off by me, and she’s allowed. The way the geek nation reflexively responded to this, and all it entails, is a great time to take a step back and realize a lot of us have a problem. 99 problems. And a “bitch” is, in fact, one.