Comics and Graphic Novels: The New 52 DC Comics Relaunch Part 3

THE NEW 52: PART 3

Coming out of week three of the New 52 series, I’m starting to remember why I more or less gave up on superhero comics over two decades ago. Yes, the adolescent power fantasies get dull and samey endlessly repeated. Yes, Superteam A blurs together in my mind with Superteam B. Yes, there’s no real opportunity for drama when anyone who “dies” can easily come back to life. But there’s also a practical reason.

Every one of these goddamn things ends with a cliffhanger designed to make you come back for more. Not one of them has a beginning, a middle, and an end.

I suppose this is Business 101. Leave ‘em wanting more. Fine. If I were a DC Comics shareholder, I’d love that narrative approach. But I’m not.

Multi-issue story arcs are nothing new, of course. And sure, sometimes 30 pages (or whatever) just isn’t enough room to stretch your legs and tell the story you want to tell. (Which is what annuals used to be for. Every year you’d get a supersized issue of a given comic. The story tended to go outside the comic’s usual continuity, and it would have a beginning, a middle, and an end.) But by and large, multi-part stories aren’t about telling a story that merits length, depth, and complexity. They’re about feeding the comics fans’ addiction.

I don’t know about you, but I just don’t have enough hours in my day to be following 52 separate stories every month.

I don’t know about you, but I just don’t have enough hours in my day to be following 52 separate stories every month. This is also why I tend to shy away from TV drama. When I sit down to watch a show, I want it to be over when it’s over. I want to come back next week because I want to, not because I feel like I have to. In most other ways in my life I’m pretty loyal. When it comes to entertainment I’m a commitmentphobe. I resent having to come back next week to see the story continue. I would’ve hated cliffhanger serials if I’d been around back in the ’40s.

Which is what superhero comics are: cliffhanger serials. For which you pay $2.95 (or more) a pop. It’s even worse now because of the goddamn “decompressed” mode of storytelling, where everything is paced … really … fucking … slow, the idea being that when the whole story arc is collected in a trade paperback it’ll play better. Which is why a lot of people “wait for trade.”

As before, we’ll be looking at how newcomer-friendly a comic is, how well it stands on its own (i.e. if it ties in with any other comic you have to buy and read; we’ll only mention it if it does), and if it’s any damn good. Again, taking them in alphabetical order:

BATMAN #1

Batman tries to solve a murder while (in Bruce Wayne mode) raising funds for a big Gotham City project. Featuring three past or current Robins (a fourth stars in Red Hood and the Outlaws; see below).

CAN A NEWBIE READ IT? There’s a bit at the beginning where Bats deals with a break-out at Arkham Asylum and fights a few of his old enemies, but it’s not a huge part of the story.

IS IT ANY DAMN GOOD? I was entertained. Bruce is a suave motherfucker here; I like that. And Batman is shown to have actual deductive abilities, which we too often don’t see from “the world’s greatest detective.”

BIRDS OF PREY #1

A reporter tracks down some members of the all-female superteam — Black Canary, Starling — and gets himself involved in their latest mission.

CAN A NEWBIE READ IT? The reporter acts fairly unobtrusively as Explainy McExposition. Batgirl puts in an appearance; the fact that she’s walking around is commented on but still not explained (see Batgirl #1 and discussion of same two columns ago).

IS IT ANY DAMN GOOD? It’s fun enough; I have a soft spot for ass-kicking women, which explains why I’m the only person besides Drew Barrymore who enjoyed both Charlie’s Angels movies.

BLUE BEETLE #1

Latino teen gets beetle powers.

CAN A NEWBIE READ IT? From what I understand, it’s more or less a repeat of the Blue Beetle reboot from a few years back.

Of course, he’s dead now. Because that’s edgy, man.

IS IT ANY DAMN GOOD? The human-interest backdrop stuff doesn’t suck, at least in the usual context of superhero comics, but all the cosmic alien woo-woo stuff is incomprehensible, at least to me. The previous Beetle (the inspiration for Nite Owl in Watchmen) was just an inventor dude in a costume. Of course, he’s dead now. Because that’s edgy, man.

CAPTAIN ATOM #1

The atomically-powered hero must save Manhattan from a volcano.

CAN A NEWBIE READ IT? It’s pretty straightforward. Dude has powers. He’s powerfully powerful. Maybe too powerful for his own good.

IS IT ANY DAMN GOOD? Like Blue Beetle, this is an old Charlton Comics hero later adopted by DC, serving as inspiration for a Watchmen character (Dr. Manhattan). This is at least more basic and more fun to read than Blue Beetle, and the art is interesting.

CATWOMAN #1

Meow. The latex-coated cat burglar narrowly escapes her apartment exploding, goes after an abusive pimp, and makes the sex with Batman.

CAN A NEWBIE READ IT? As long as you don’t expect this Catwoman to resemble Michelle Pfeiffer, Halle Berry, or Anne Hathaway.

IS IT ANY DAMN GOOD? No. The art is clumsy and ugly, and Catwoman doesn’t seem to have a normal set of human responses to anything. Would probably be better off written by a woman. Or someone other than Judd Winick.

DC UNIVERSE PRESENTS #1

Deadman, the spiritual hero who can occupy people’s bodies, gets to kick off this revolving anthology book. (One assumes that when this story arc is done, another character will get a turn.)

CAN A NEWBIE READ IT? Deadman’s origin and purpose (he’s supposed to become closer to the entity he was meant to be with each life he borrows for a while) are laid out fairly clearly.

IS IT ANY DAMN GOOD? Nice to see Deadman in a comic that isn’t Hawk & Dove. This story has him occupying a multiple-amputee war vet, so I’m curious to see where it goes.

GREEN LANTERN CORPS #1

Green Lanterns John Stewart and Guy Gardner try to deal with workaday Earth life while, elsewhere in the galaxy, other Lanterns are gorily killed.

CAN A NEWBIE READ IT? Don’t see why not.

IS IT ANY DAMN GOOD? John and Guy make an amusing team. Pity about those top-of-the-story female sacrifices, though. I’m old enough to remember when a superhero story didn’t need graphic images of women (even if they are aliens) being dismembered to get our attention, and jeez, I guess not many of these relaunch titles are for all ages after all.

LEGION OF SUPER HEROES #1

More spandexed dudes and dudettes from the future (see last week’s Legion Lost review), mostly aliens who somehow still have humanoid features.

CAN A NEWBIE READ IT? A newbie might be as lost as I was, though I admit I was just skimming it at certain points because it’s frickin’ boring.

DOES IT STAND ON ITS OWN? A line of dialogue and a caption call back to Legion Lost #1, like, “Little does this character know what’s happening over in Legion Lost #1, on sale now!” Uh, okay.

Google tells me Daxamites are like Kryptonians (Superman’s from Krypton).

IS IT ANY DAMN GOOD? Blah blah blah, various costumed assholes fight or talk about stuff, and at the end someone looks at some hulking enemy and goes “A DAXAMITE???”, and we’re, I guess, supposed to know what the fuck a Daxamite even is or why that matters zzzzzzzzz. Google tells me Daxamites are like Kryptonians (Superman’s from Krypton). Okay.

NIGHTWING #1

Boy, this sure is the week for Robins. Nightwing is Dick Grayson, who was the first Robin. He was also Batman for a while. In this issue he hangs out with the old circus he was with back when his parents were murdered. There’s also a big bad guy in Gotham City.

CAN A NEWBIE READ IT? Dick’s narration more or less catches you up.

IS THERE A DAXAMITE IN IT? Sadly, my new friends the Daxamites do not make an appearance here.

IS IT ANY DAMN GOOD? Cocky Dick (heh, I went there) gets his ass handed to him here, by a guy who I suspect may be involved in the events of Batman #1. The execution is decent; I like that Dick really, really needs to be his own man, not anything to do with Batman.

RED HOOD AND THE OUTLAWS #1

And here’s another former Robin, Jason Todd. Jason was dead once, killed by the Joker. But he got brought back as an anti-hero named Red Hood (ironically, the Joker started out as a criminal called Red Hood), and now he’s teamed up with Green Arrow’s former sidekick Speedy (Roy Harper) and the alien chick Starfire.

CAN A NEWBIE READ IT? I guess it helps if you know the characters’ history. But this can also be read stand-alone as the adventures of a couple of assholes and a piece of cheesecake. Which is basically all Starfire is, aside from blowing shit up real good.

DAXAMITE LEVEL: Zero. I kind of want Daxamites in all my comics now. Love and Rockets, Richie Rich, I don’t care. Because apparently all you have to do is toss a Daxamite into a comic and everyone’s all OMG A DAXAMITE, I DO BELIEVE I HAVE SHAT MYSELF.

IS IT ANY DAMN GOOD? See above: a couple of assholes and a piece of cheesecake. Basically the Andy Sidaris of comics. Pass.

SUPERGIRL #1

Superman’s younger cousin lands on Earth, does not know what is going on.

CAN A NEWBIE READ IT? It’s basically an issue-length fight scene, so, yeah. Supergirl smash. Supergirl not know what go on. Rob write Hulk style now for some reason. Rob stop.

IS SUPERGIRL A DAXAMITE? No, she’s Kryptonian. Close enough.

IS IT ANY DAMN GOOD? For an issue-length fight scene, it’s not piss-poor. The art by Mahmud Asrar reminded me here and there of Mark Bagley’s art on Ultimate Spider-Man, which to me is not a bad thing.

WONDER WOMAN #1

The Amazon must protect a young woman carrying the child of Zeus.

CAN A NEWBIE READ IT? Sure, though it wouldn’t hurt to be up on Greek mythology.

IS IT ANY DAMN GOOD? Like Supergirl, this seems to be an excuse to get Wonder Woman in a position to apply foot to posterior. New readers might be surprised that she actually fights like an Amazon, like, she’ll throw a sword at you and shit, and hack your arm off. Sistah be gangsta.

Next time:

We wrap this series up with yet another Batman title, yet another Green Lantern title, plus Superman, Aquaman, Jonah Hex, DAXAMITES!!!, and more.