Guy’s Buyer’s Guide: Dad Stuff… For Your Pops

It’s coming around the bend. Riding its bike toward us. Impending. Looming. Father’s day comes with more or less ritual depending on what’s normal for your family. But one thing is for sure — you don’t want Dad to end up empty-handed when he’s supposed to be King for a Day, right? We dug around and found some gift ideas for you. Whether or not you end up punching in your credit card numbers to get any of these shipped to either you or your dad is your business. Are you a dad? Don’t forget to reward yourself for the hardest job you’ll ever do, either.

Here’s some inspiration:

Canadian Club Sherry Cask
We were sent this bottle of blended whisky to try for ourselves. It’s been aged at least eight years in sherry casks and comes in a bottle that is labeled with the batch number and a specially printed seal. If you want to give your dad a sipping whisky (something that’s good on its own without a mixer) then this one is a sure thing. The numbered bottle adds to the feeling that it’s a special one.

In many whiskies, the heat is masked less than other hard liquors and you can taste the distinct whiskey burn in the middle of your tongue. This one, against its nature, is smooth. It’s as if it’s done some hard time in a cask (and it has!) and has been rehabilitated. Eight years in a sherry cask has this one singing a sweeter tune. You can almost imagine cherry or cranberry on your tongue. This is one of the smoothest bourbons I have ever tasted.

One for me, and one for the old man.

Mad Men Season 4
If you or your dad have ever done a stint in the world of advertising, sales, or marketing, then the show is nearly guaranteed to hit a very real chord. The poignant board room monologues are as real as the unzipped dresses and unfastened girdles. What better way to give your old man a nostalgic ride back to the jet-setting Sixties?

Gotta do it.

Goldman Leather Koozie
Dad’s just a beer guy? Well, stand back, son. He’s probably not gonna change. But what you can do is help him up his game and make sure he’s got a real gentleman’s grip on that can of gold. Wheelman & Co. has managed to turn one of the most kitschy and utilitarian items into something sophisticated — they make a leather koozie.

Dad’ll look good carrying this. But I’ll look better.

Lawn Stryper
Dad likes to tinker? Fan of baseball, maybe? Well now he can turn his outside into outfield. The lawn stryper is gonna make your dad’s lawn look so cool that the neighbors will keep asking him how he does it. He’ll be beaming with pride, thanks to you, and if he’s not a jerk, he’ll say his son thought of it.

It attaches to the back of a push mower and the people that designed this say it’s meant to be used on both the bagging and non-bagging types of mowers. The height and angle are adjustable, and it comes with instructions on how to make all sorts of patterns — even a checkerboard! This year, you might just be giving him a sense of pride.

Put him to work.

Bacon Jam
Whether the father figure in your life often whipped up breakfast for you tykes and teenagers or not, a small tub of this puree might inspire him to whip out that old skillet again. Whether he’s a griddle or a grill man, this stuff is just fun to experiment with. Bacon tastes great on so many things — don’t you know the craze has brought us bacon toothpaste, for crying out loud?

What about a bacon jam that you could spread on burgers, sautee with veggies, or use on grilled cheese? What about mixing some in with your scrambled eggs? At $14 for an ample sized tub, this stuff packs a lot of fun. Plus, dad won’t have to clear shelf space in his office or garage — this one gets consumed and enjoyed. We weren’t sure what to expect with stuff when it arrived in our office. Ground up salt, fat, and carcass? That’s when we opened up the lid, broke the seal, and changed our minds. You can smell the salt and spices with a hint of that meaty bacon.Would it be trite if we said it was mouth-watering? Well?

Bring on the…

Is Dad’s junk getting rusted? We mean his BBQ set, of course. Get the man to replace that crap and get him some stuff that works, since it’s grilling season anyway. He’ll thank you. We found this sharp-looking set at Overstock.com for a nice price.

Get my old man some new fire tools.

If you want to go small and classy and get Dad something all gentlemanly and respectable (at least as far as the junk in his pockets), then you might want to go for this smaller, usable item. The user reviews say it works as a nice, light wallet for a drivers license and a couple of cards if an occasion calls for only the necessities and you don’t want overloaded pockets.

Shave down my man’s wallet. I’ve been doing that for years, anyway.

Now here’s one that might throw you for a loop… If your dad’s not opposed, why don’t you take him out to the strip club and drop a few hundred, or whatever you can budget? Dad can either have his pick of gals for lap dances for the night, or choose his favorite and spend half an hour in a private room with her. It’s a great way to make memories and have something to chuckle about for a few weeks. If you haven’t been to the particular club yourself, call ahead and ask about dance prices and admission so you know how much to bring for the both of you. Don’t forget the one dollar bills, either. Tipping is fun, and you don’t want the entertainment to run out when the lap dance money does.

Don’t forget the one dollar bills, either.

If you feel weird handing your dad money at the joint, then ask your waitress about funny money. Almost every club has their version of paper cash that’s specially printed and made to use only there.  If you tell the girls that visit your table that you’re taking out your dad for father’s day, you’re guaranteed to get some genuine smiles and great attention — both of you. And if your dad is the one with a stack of funny money on the table in front of him, they’ll know he’s the one to shower with attention. You’ve just made him King For a Night.

Sweet! Where’s the nearest club?

There you have it, guys.

Get creative. But most importantly, just let your dad know he means something to you — whatever that might be.