Elite Beyond Recognition: Own Prehistory

You don’t need it, and damn sure can’t afford it. While you gaze upon the showcase here, you can hear your checkbook crying wherever it is — that’s for sure. We don’t care. We’re just waving flashy stuff around that we can’t afford either. Welcome to your tour of the unnecessary and elite.

The economy is in the shitter, people are polarized over nearly every subject in the world, and if the Mayans are worth a damn we’re in for one bitch of a December next year. People are pinching pennies, foreclosures are at an all-time high, and the Los Angeles Dodgers can’t even pay their rent.

Right now is bedlam!

One would think that there’s no hope for anything anywhere with all the sad faces scattered around town, but luckily balancing all those unfortunate things is the fact you can buy dinosaurs. For your own home. With a click of the mouse!

Heritage Auctions has unleashed the bone sale to end all bone sales: actual museum quality dinosaurs, assembled and ready to ship to that special someone in your life or for the stadium-sized foyer in your home. A few standouts:

The Fighting Pair (Auction opens at $2,200,000)

Goes well with the Ben Stiller you just purchased.

An Allosaurus and a Stegosaurus in mid-hatred. These two majestic animals were unearthed together and are complete skeletons. Very rare. The belief is that these two killed each other in battle, though it’s possible that they were tragic lovers who took each other’s lives believing that there was a place beyond their oppressive prehistoric era where different species could love in harmony. Obviously they’re still in limbo waiting for that day.

A Near Complete Triceratops (Auction opens at $500,000)

Would look good next to the fireplace.

One of the most beloved dinosaurs, the Triceratops has one of the best heads in history ranking between Joseph Merrick and Narwhals on the all-time list. This is the only skeleton ever available to the public though a passport, a shovel, and some luck could change all of that. It’s a beautiful piece and who doesn’t have half a million lying around to purchase a dead vegetarian?

The Biggest Megalodon Jaw Ever (Auction opens at $625,000)

Woman sold separately ($36.99)

The biggest shark ever to swim the seas left its mouth behind. Cartilage sucks so it dissolved way before we got here, but here are Meg’s mouth and teeth and they aren’t bashful. This is a huge specimen, even larger than the one at the Museum of Natural History or in Steven Tyler’s face.

All in all… bargains. Then again, if you can afford to buy these you can probably afford to Jurassic Park one up yourself. A few scientists, some dried blood, and a jug of sperm… the sky’s the limit!

The full PRESS RELEASE:

Allosaurus, Stegosaurus, Triceratops, prehistoric Megaladon shark jaws, June 12, 2011 at Heritage Auctions

Largest auction of its kind ever, featuring “The Fighting Pair” Allosaurus and Stegosaurus, a near complete Triceratops, a complete duck-billed Maiasaurus, the largest prehistoric Megaladon shark jaws ever assembled and more…

DALLAS, TX – In an unprecedented event, Heritage Auctions will feature no less than four dinosaur skeletons – “The Fighting Pair” Allosaurus and Stegosaurus, a near complete Triceratops, and a complete duck-billed Maiasaurus – along with dozens of important prehistoric treasures, as part of its June 12, 2011 Natural History Auction, in Dallas, at the Tower Building in Fair Park.

The specimens will be on display, and open to the public for viewing, Thursday to Saturday, June 9-11, from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m., and Sunday, June 12, from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. at the Tower building in Fair Park.

“Every one of these incredible fossils is museum-quality,” said David Herskowitz, Director of Natural History at Heritage Auctions. “It’s rare to find even one truly great dinosaur for an auction, let alone the four we’ve managed to assemble for this summertime auction.”

Far and away the stars of the dino show are an Allosaurus and a Stegosaurus collectively known as “The Fighting Pair,” known as such due to their proximity to one another when they were discovered in the Dana Quarry in Wyoming – the first time these two dinosaurs have ever been found together – during the spring of 2007. The team of excavators at this legendary site thought they were on to the find of a lifetime when they found the Allosuaur, whose name is Dracula. Imagine their surprise when they found a complete Stegosaur – named Fantasia – occupying the same space.

“They were literally right on top of one another,” said Herskowitz, “and they were evidently engaged in mortal combat at the time of their demise, as the leg of the Stegosaurus was found in the mouth of the Allosaurus. The association is undeniable.”

“The Fighting Pair” is being sold as a set due to its scientific importance. They carry a pre-auction estimate of $2.8 million.

Next in line is a virtually complete Triceratops skeleton, checking in at more than 19 feet long, seven feet across and more than 12 feet tall, found in the famous Hell Creek Formation in South Dakota in the spring of 2004. It is estimated at $700,000+, and will be on display at the Dallas Museum of Nature and Science, also at Fair Park in Dallas, through early June.

“The completed skeleton is enormous,” said Herskowitz. “If you can imagine this animal when it was alive bearing down on you with that massive skull and those epic horns, you wouldn’t stand a chance. This creature was the size of a small bus, and certainly a lot meaner.”

A complete duck-billed Maiasaurus, hailing from the Two Medicine Formation in Northern Montana, completes the dinosaur quintet being sold in the auction. The specimen, named Cory, was originally discovered almost 20 years ago, but was not fully mounted until a few years ago. Measuring more than 17 feet (5 meters) in length, it is one of the most complete mounted specimens of this species known and possesses a particularly well preserved skull. It is estimated at $450,000+.

While the dinosaurs will be center stage in the June 12 Heritage auction, it is the largest set of prehistoric shark jaws ever assembled, from the ferocious Megalodon, the largest predator that has ever existed, that may well steal the show from his land-lubbing cousins. The jaws, when fully assembled, measure an impressive 11 feet across and almost nine-feet tall. It is estimated at $700,000+, and is also currently on display at the Dallas Museum of Nature and Science in Fair Park.

“The Megalodon was a shark that grew up to the length of two freight cars and preyed on whales and other sharks,” said Herskowitz. “This is the biggest Megalodon jaw ever assembled, took 16 years to assemble, and is composed of 182 fine quality fossil teeth up to 7-¼ inches in length. With jaws this size, and an appetite that was hugely voracious, you or I would be no more than an hors d’oeuvre for this monster.”

The majority of the teeth in this specimen were personally collected by the esteemed late Vito Bertucci in the rivers of South Carolina. Bertucci collected Megalodon teeth for more than 20 years and his tireless work is on display in the American Museum of Natural History, the Houston Museum and the Baltimore Aquarium and has been featured in National Geographic World magazine and on the National Geographic Channel. He opened and operated a shark museum in Port Royal, South Carolina before passing away in October of 2004 while diving for Shark Teeth in South Carolina.

Other prehistoric highlights of the auction include a superb Giant Ground Sloth Skeleton, Late Pleistocene, 180,000 to 550,000 years old, estimated at $450,000+; a huge ferocious Dinosaur Age Fish, dating to the Cretaceous period, estimated at $120,000+, and a giant Devonian Armored Fish Skull more than 400 million years old, estimated at $40,000+.

Heritage Auctions, headed by Steve Ivy, Jim Halperin and Greg Rohan, is the world’s third largest auction house, with annual sales more than $600 million, and 500,000+ online bidder members. For more information about Heritage Auctions, and to join and gain access to a complete record of prices realized, along with full-color, enlargeable photos of each lot, please visit HA.com.