Unpopular News: Marijuana Bust at Aunt Jane’s Daycare

Shit’s blowing up and people are dying all the time at least somewhere in the world. That’s big news. And the giant news networks treat these breaking news stories in a way that defines both overblown and overrated. You see it, you read it, and then you continue to be insulted by its ubiquitous coverage on networks like CNN and Fox News, and then you go to your computer and see it diarrhea-ed all over the internet. We need a cure. In the spirit of embracing oblivion, Guy.com offers you the least trending topics we can find. In fact, we’re not even sure these items are news. But your local newspaper begs to differ.

Headline:

Officers Make Seizure

The Rolla Daily News
Rolla, Missouri
Reporting Journalist: Shannon Beck

Jackpot: The scene of the crime is actually called Aunt Jane’s Daycare. And this lady may run a day care, but she runs far more than pounds of dirty diapers out to the curb every day. In truth, the house is full of naughty children, toys, and pounds of marijuana.

Police investigated the business for three years, keeping the house with the toy-strewn front yard under close watch. They gathered evidence against the owner, estimating that she sold anywhere from 10-20 pounds of the illegal plant per week. When the kid-friendly drug post was raided, a 22 caliber hand gun, four pounds of marijuana, and a smoking pipe were found and confiscated.

Police did not appreciate the irony.

Details on how Mary Jane went down here.