Cigar 101: The Lady and Your Habit

It’s a fact: most females (and many males too!) think that cigars stink.

The strong, acrid smoke smell, whether you’re smoking near her or are arriving home from a smoking venture with the cloud having settled inside your clothes and hair is a bit much for anyone who hasn’t been around it all day. Like anything you’ve been exposed to for lengths of time, you’re a bit desensitized to it. But you know that! We’re sure she’s let you know.

If you’ve been a cigar smoker for some time, and especially if you are married or in a long term partnership, you’ve no doubt duked it out by now. How you handle the time away with the boys and the smell when you return or the huge butts on the porch… you’ve tackled it. You’re an adult, and you’ve got your shit handled at the house. You don’t need anyone to tell you how to handle your wife, right?

But do you ever wish it were a little better? …maybe wish she understood a little more about the enticing world of aromatic cigars and the selection in the humidor you might hope she’d raid for you for Christmas. If you’ve wished she at least wouldn’t think it was gross… we’ve got you covered. If you’re thinking of letting her know that this is something you really like or would like to try, we’ve really got you covered. Below is a gentleman’s overview, written from the perspective of a lady who loves to smoke cigars and loves smelling it in her man’s hair.

The Smell

You’ve got a few options for keeping the smell out of your home. Whether you want to literally hide the habit from her or to just be polite and not totally stink up the house, there are a few tried and true methods that guys have been doing for a while.

1. Ride home with the windows down. Anyone that sneaked cigarettes in high school knows this one. But it really helps air things out. Unless it’s pouring rain, this should be a no-brainer.

2. Keep your jacket or sweatshirt in the car before you enter the cigar shop or poker night. Let it get you there warm and dry and then keep it out of the smoke altogether.

3. Keep your jacket or sweatshirt out of the bedroom and off of the couch. You knew that one, right? If you need to hang it in the laundry room or garage, which might be the obvious solution, then do that. But if you’re new to the game, don’t dare leave that thing sitting near her. It’s a stink-bomb.

4. Strip down in the laundry room when you come home. Depending on the degree of annoyance your mate experiences from your habit, you might have to do a quick-change and leave the filth right next to the solution for filth.

Cigar Clear

5. Don’t forget your breath! It stinks like a horse’s prolapsed, constipated asshole. Always carry gum or mints with you. Brush your teeth and tongue when you get home. Please. If the taste in your mouth isn’t annoying you, that doesn’t mean your bad breath is a myth. Tackle the dragon immediately. (Slang.)

There is a cigar breath spray product on the market that you might want to try. It’s called Cigar Clear and can be found for about three bucks per bottle. The bottle is small, but it might help in a bind.

The Faceless Gentlemen

The cigar shop is a sacred place. Poker night is a sacred event. The reason you and your lady don’t want to kill each other is because you spend some good and healthy time apart. An afternoon at the cigar shop might be your oasis. You want to keep it that way. Your lady probably understands that, but she might be curious. Just like most situations where your girl remains faceless to your friends (that’s perfectly fine), she might be curious about your buddies. It’s a nice gesture to ask her to drop by and see where the hell you hang. This will be of more value to her than to you. Chances are, your buddies don’t really care, but they’ll be polite. So what about the girl?

1. She might want to purchase for you on a special occasion. Although the cigar-smoking population is made up of 97% males, vaginas do wander into cigar country. And migrating season usually coincides with your birthday, Christmas, and Father’s Day. Let’s hope she knows where your local puffing joint happens to be because she might want to buy you something for Christmas. Your tobacconist knows what you smoke. He can help her if she knows which shop you regularly haunt.

"Say Larry, is that the gal you said had a really nice procreation area?"

2. It’s polite to make her feel welcome to drop by for at least one day in the calendar year. You’ll get to introduce your prize or lack thereof to your buddies, proving that you are a cultured gentleman. It’s just the grown up guy thing to do. You’re proud of your girl, right? What’s more important, is that she feels like you’re proud of her. Although she’s usually not or never invited, you don’t want her to feel like she’s not allowed. It’s doubtful she’ll start crashing your party from then on out.

3. As with any male-centric venue, similar to strip clubs, what women imagine is usually worse than reality. Having her drop by one day, or stopping by with her after dinner one night is a great way to satisfy her curiosity and let her fill in what her imagination can’t. And again, we guarantee she’ll have a shopper’s eye because you’re hard to shop for!

Your stash

You might have an inventory of cigars at home by now. This is your territory — fuckit, maybe it’s hers — so navigate as you seem fit. But you might want to keep a couple of things in mind.

1. Consider giving her a tour of your humidor and its parts and contents. We’re talking the ten cent tour. Who knows? She might be the one that keeps your cigars from drying out while you’re on a business trip. Things like knowing to keep the lid closed and to not smoke half of a cigar and replace it in the humidor may not be common knowledge to her even though they are to you. She’s not dumb, but remember that you had to be told those things too at some point. The ten cent tour resides safely between politeness and insurance for your stash.

2. Remove your stubs. Cigar butts reek. And there’s something vulgar even to cigar smokers about an ash tray full of huge chunks of ash, wrappers, and chewed up ends of cigars. Imagine what it must look like to her. It’s your hobby. It’s your vice. But it’s also an eyesore. What’s okay at the lounge may not be okay on the porch. Emptying the tray and wiping it down isn’t required, but it’s respectful.

Getting her to sample

Let’s assume she’s your partner for the night at the lounge. You’re gonna light up in front of her and enjoy. But she’s not there to watch you smoke.

1. Imbibing. If she’s spending the evening or afternoon with you, you might want to choose the joint with a decent alcohol selection. She may not be ready to light up with you, but she’ll probably want a drink. We’ve covered this before: the fact that not all cigar lounges have booze. Some have a beer and wine selection, and some have only soft drinks, and a rare few have liquor available. If you take her to your favorite place, you might get to be the “man that knows things” and make suggestions based on what imbibements you know they carry.

2. Helping her pick a cigar. Assuming she’s not a regular cigar smoker (and she might be!) she might be ready to try a cigar. You get to help her pick one out. You’ll want to err on the side of pleasantly surprising her rather than blowing her off of her bar stool. You might want to start her off with a flavored cigar. Tatianas are a great brand of flavored cigars that aren’t so cheap that they’re total bullshit. They’re substantial enough to make her feel like she’s actually smoking a cigar, but flavorful enough to be enjoyable before she develops her palate. An Isla del Sol, a Java, or a Tabak are also safe, as those are more sweet on the vanilla and cocoa side of the palate. If she doesn’t like flavored cigars, a Macanudo is a good start. And remember that she might be self conscious about the size. Smaller is probably better for now.

3. Cut and light it for her. Or if she doesn’t like you to do things for her, at least show her how on yours. If possible, use a punch instead of a straight cut. This option ensures that less little pieces of tobacco from the end of the cigar will flake off and get stuck in her lip gloss or lipstick.

4. You brought gum with you, right?

We hope you’ve got a lady that is at least accepting of your cigar smoking, if not one that enjoys it herself. Either way, she doesn’t have to be the enemy of your good time, and there are plenty of things you can do to smooth out the path between what seems like your world vs. her world. It really doesn’t have to be a point of contention with a little understanding from both sides — and it’s up to you to facilitate that.

Gentlemen… ladies… enjoy.